Wednesday, October 24, 2007

While I Wasn’t Looking, Happiness Snuck Up On Me

It’s been nearly a week now that I’ve been down in the dumps, with a million things, some minor, some major, weighing on my mind. I had almost thought I had forgotten how to smile. But when I stopped pressing, stopped looking for the answer to my troubles, the answer appeared on its own.

The feeling wasn’t completely unprompted. I’ve been praying more, and not for my angst to be removed, but for understanding of God’s will and the strength to do it. I wrote a blog post and spoke at a meeting, fighting pride to experience the relief of owning up to my feelings. I met with my sponsor today, which is always a positive experience, examining the issues in depth. I even chaired a meeting, hopefully helping another person.

But perhaps the biggest thing I did was focus my attention away, ceasing to look at the problems in my life and simply accepting them as exactly the way God meant it to be this week. I taught, I read for class, read my big book, catalogued songs in my music library for my radio station, made speaker disks for my home group, reached out to other members of the fellowship. It was a busy day, but a productive day as well.

And as I sat down for a chat meeting with the other owners of my radio station, an amazing thing happened: I laughed! Not the forced laugh that you do to make someone feel like you’re alright, but the belly laugh that comes naturally and unbidden. One owner, who was on the phone with me, was startled, and said it was about time she heard that. I couldn’t agree more.

I guess that’s the trick; the less I focus on the issues that plague me, the more I accept life on life’s terms, the happier I am. The big book says that “acceptance is the answer to all my problems today”, and I feel myself being more accepting all the time. But perhaps the lesson I needed from this past week was a further lesson in acceptance, a lesson which I received loud and clear.

I’m heading to bed now, and I couldn’t be happier!

Posted by Scottage at 2:37 AM / | |