Wednesday, December 28, 2005


You know, part of the reason I am such a nomad is that I really haven’t found a place I can call home yet. And I suspect I’ll continue wandering until I find someplace that seems reasonably like home to me. But it begs the question, what is home? I think it’s different for everybody, but that if you were trying to make a generality, it would be the place where a person feels truly comfortable being themselves, feels completely at ease.

For me, I definitely haven’t found that place. Philly would probably as close as I come; I’m from there, was raised there, much of my family is there, and many of my friends from growing up. People from Philly share many personality traits with me, and I feel pretty comfortable with Philadelphians. Plus, I love the sports teams, I bleed Eagles green, and I support the Phillies, Flyers, and Sixers to the death as well.

But I’ve done a lot to improve myself since leaving Philly, and when I’m in Philly I tend to fall back into my old patterns, my old tendencies. I recess to the high school guy, confident and cocky but making all the wrong decisions at all the wrong times, fearing the hurt in my parents’ voices more than the consequences of any actions, and always taking life to the extreme. Back in Philly, I immediately fall back into that persona, and all the gains I’ve made are washed away.

Israel feels like a home to me. My philosophical views are shared by many, maybe most of the people there, to some degree or another. Similar views, attitudes, perspectives. And a love of the region is shared by all; it’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever been, and I’ve been to a lot of places. But life is much tougher there, with the threat of terrorism, the absence of many of the conveniences of life I’ve grown accustomed to, and the consistent uncertainty in the future. Maybe someday Israel will be my home, but not today.

Boston was a great city, but very expensive. Harrisburg PA and Richmond Indiana were both cheap, but prejudiced and red-necky, and sometimes prejudiced against me. I love life here in Rochester NY, for the most part, but wouldn’t it be nice if the same community feel were in a warmer location? I mean, the snow here is just ridiculous.

Or maybe home is really just the place where I find a person to become my love. Much of my focus now is on finding a life partner, a soul mate, and I suspect the home of my soul mate will quickly become my home. I will be comfortable there because she will be there with me.

Maybe I am too picky in looking for my home, or maybe my priorities are mixed up, or maybe when I find my home I will just know it. But for now, that’s how I judge this whole home issue. I hope one day I’ll find my home, and it will all be clear to me.

Posted by Scottage at 1:22 AM / | |