Thursday, October 19, 2006

Filling the Empty Spaces

So many nights I’ve come into my home to find it empty, dark and gloomy. 39 years old and living all alone, it sometimes is a hard thing to come into an empty apartment with nothing to face but my own thoughts. But all that changed yesterday.

There has been a woman (not a girl) I have been spending time with lately, a very close friend who is more of a soul mate then anything else. She’s a wonderful new addition to my life, and a few times she’s even stayed over. And while she has her own room to crash out in, it’s amazing how much it changes the dynamic, and my own mood, to have the company.

So far it’s been one night here, one night there, and each night wonderful for me. Those nights have been followed with multiple nights where I’m all alone, and at those times I’ve longed for the nights with my friend. So lately we have talked about her moving in, something that would be great for me. Well, last night we did a trial run, which included bringing her cats to the apartment.

The difference is amazing. Suddenly there is life everywhere in my apartment. I sit down, and the cats are right there to greet me, to look for affection, and to cheer me up. The woman is here too, her positive attitude, amazing voice, and upbeat ways filling my life with song. And her presence, all of their presence, makes me happy.

Normally, I try to extend whatever activities I do, staving off the time where I have to arrive home to my barren locale. But today, I nearly rushed home to the feeling of warmth that has become my apartment. I walked in and was greeted by all three individuals, and the feeling that I, truly, was not alone. It’s an amazing feeling that I feel down deep in my soul.

In some ways I had grown to accept that my life was going to be one alone, as I had also grown to accept the loneliness and certain amount of sorrow that came with my lot in life. For years, that has been my expectation, and I have been ok with it, even if it wouldn’t be my choice. So this is an unexpected surprise, and a great one.

I’ve heard more than once that perhaps the relationship isn’t healthy, that maybe it’s moved to fast or is co-dependant. But you know, to me I couldn’t imagine anything healthier. It is happiness incarnate, a big change for the better in my life, and all because of one very special woman. Who would have thunk it?

Posted by Scottage at 10:59 PM / | |