Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Demi says "I am Christopher Walken"

When I get home I tear off all of my clothes, spread cooking oil all over myself, and then roll in breadcrumbs....hey, moron, yeah you over there, idiot...you gave me the wrong script, bring me the right one. Get up and get it myself? Hello! Have you noticed I have no clothes on over hear?

While I'm naked, I don't have to do anything for myself. Could you imagine the draft? Here, much better, now get lost, Plebe! {Clears throat and moves back to sweetest voice ever}

Hi, I'm Demi. But really, I'm Christopher Walken. CHris Walken knows that the children are our future, and he knows the importance of restructuring our schools to help our kids get ahead earlier in life.

I mean, let's face it, not everyone can afford a private education for their kids. And thank God, how would I prove my kid is superior to your kid? But at least Christopher wants to improve the standard of public education, and eliminate standardized tests, so even the kids my kids wont talk to get a well-rounded education.

So yeah, I'm Christopher Walken. And if you elect me, I promise to strip down naked, spray myself in clay, and dance for every person who voted for me.

And hey, if you see Chris, could you ask him if he has any parts for me in his next film? I haven't had a good part since 1997, and that was GI Jane. Tell him I would get naked for his film, hell, I would get naked for him! I would even do that trick where I balance 2 50lb weights on my fake breasts and they don't sag at all. Oh, come on, help me get a gig already....

This post is a farce, and is paid for by Christopher Walken for President

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Posted by Scottage at 11:08 AM / | |